Meanings
by Padlei
Summary: Different snippets about Padmé and the meanings of her life, from TPM to ROTS. AP.
1. Chapter 1

**Meanings**

**Timeframe** : From TPM to ROTS.  
**Rating**: PG to PG-13 for implied nookie...  
**Characters**: Padmé, Anakin, Obi-Wan... later on.  
**Summary**: Different snippets about Padmé and the meanings of her life.

A/N: I've been inspired about Padmé lately. Of course, Anakin decided to occupy a fair place in these ruminations…

Thanks so much to my beta, **leianaberrie **! You always take the time to go through my stories before I work up the courage to post and even actually beta them. Once again, you're my hero.

**1. Idealism**

**Time period**: From TPM to just prior to AOTC.  
**Rating**: PG  
**Characters**: Padmé, little Anakin, Sola, Ruwee, Jobal Naberrie.  
**Summary**: Padmé's idealism is what drives her for a good part of her life.

_"Are you sure, Padmé?"_

_The little girl looked at her mother earnestly._

_"Yes, Mom. I want to help people. I want to change things."_

_Ruwee Naberrie laughed comfortingly and caressed the side of his daughter's face tenderly._

_"I told you I was like that when I was her age," he told his wife, who looked unsure._

_Jobal frowned in response._

_"Are you sure, sweetie? I didn't mind you entering the Legislative program but this… it will change your life. This is great responsibility, my dear."_

_"I know, Mom." The girl responded with all the maturity of someone much older. "But that's what I want to do."_

_Jobal looked at her daughter, nodding with a small reluctant smile._

_Padmé became a young girl again in an instant, laughing happily and hugging her mother tightly._

_"You'll be proud of me, you'll see!"_

_Her mother held the girl in her arms, catching her husband's eyes; he already looked proud of his precious daughter._

* * *

_"Why do you want to go into politics?"_

_"Because I want to help people. Because they need someone to tend to their needs."_

_"Are you sure, Padmé?"_

_The older girl looked at her small sister, chin held up and determined. To Padmé, entering her sister's room always meant that Sola trusted her and wanted to talk about serious things. She was happy that her sister was concerned about this._

_"This is what I want to do." She said merrily._

_Her sister smiled reluctantly at the joy and idealism shining in the girl's brown eyes._

_"If you ever change your mind, we'll be proud of you all the same, you know."_

_All she got in response was an assured smile._

They walked side by side in the colored, vivid streets. Different in heights, in clothes, they formed a strange couple. People would cast surprised glances at the taller of the two, a young girl, face painted in white, white gown caught in the slight wind. The small blond-haired boy trailing beside her would tug at his small uniform from time to time, casting a shy glance at the girl every now and then. They were silent, marching slowly, avoiding the crowds.

The girl sighed forlornly, stopping as they approached the back entrance of the magnificent Palace. Casting a glance backwards, the frown was permanently installed on her pretty painted face.

"I think it is time to join the reality again, Ani." She whispered to the young boy standing shyly in front of her.

The boy shifted on his feet, nodding slowly.

Padmé looked at the guards trailing behind them, slightly annoyed somehow. Motioning for the boy to follow her, they entered the Palace in stark silence. She had taken time away from the festivities with authority, but had been unable to escape the overwhelming security around her, no matter how hard she had tried. She had felt so free on Tatooine, away from the restraints, relieved to be Padmé again even for a short time.

And now, even if they had won, there was so much to be done. All these people who had lost their lives…

She shuddered even as the rays of sunlight came across her face soothingly.

Anakin was still looking at her with these blue eyes that now shone with misery.

Turning to the guards, she asked them to go a little bit further away. She wanted to be alone with him for what would probably be the last time.

"Will I see you again?" he asked as she looked at him, resting a soothing hand on his shoulder.

His new hairdo made him look even more vulnerable than that day on her ship, as they fled to join Coruscant. His blue eyes were fixed on her face quietly, sadness edging on his childish face.

"I hope so, Ani." She responded sadly, not in the mood to try to sound comforting.

"I think we'll see each other again," he replied, lips twisted up in a small smile.

She couldn't help but smile in return.

"I shall treasure the time we spent together." She said seriously.

He would never be able to understand how caring for him had made all the worries flow from her mind. How a friendship with a little boy, so younger than she was and somehow as mature as she really was, had given her the greatest gift she could have received in these troubled times.

_Hope_.

"I can't thank you enough for all you did for us, for our planet, Ani."

He blushed. She laughed slightly, passing a hand on his spiky hair. He looked cute, a little like a brother she never had.

He looked up, still embarrassed and blurted out some words as he shifted on his newly polished boots.

"I'll remember you, Padmé. Will you?"

She smiled soothingly.

"How could I forget my future husband?" she replied playfully, remembering the endearing look of embarrassment on his face when she mentioned it after he gave her the jappor snippet. "And besides, I still wear your gift."

Pulling the small snippet from beneath her gown, and refocusing on his little face, she was faced with a radiant smile. She had not seen such joy on his face since he left his mother.

"Why are you a Queen?" he asked suddenly.

She frowned, surprised at such a change in their conversation.

"Ani…" she began. "I already told you I was sorry for hiding the truth from you but-"

"I know." He responded eagerly. "I just want to know why you are a Queen."

She sighed, gaze lost in the distance. Such a simple question. A question that could only come from a young boy, completely oblivious to the reality of politics and plotting.

"Because I want to help people, like you do. I am a Queen to help my planet, just like you are going to be a Jedi, to help all the people in the galaxy."

He nodded, his lips twitching in his familiar smirk.

"I'll come back for you, Padmé. After I am a Jedi." He said proudly.

She smiled affectionately and bent down slightly, brushing his cheek with her lips in a soft kiss. When she pulled away, he was flushed, his eyes shining with admiration and a quiet emotion she couldn't quite place.

He looked adorable.

"You smell of flowers," he blurted out.

She laughed frankly this time and reached out for his small hand, squeezing it in a final goodbye. When she saw the small tears gathering in his blue eyes, she wisely understood he couldn't speak.

It was strange how she couldn't either. If she could, she would stroll in those gardens with his refreshing company and hide from all the grave issues awaiting her in this Palace.

"Anakin!"

The stern exclamation startled her. Looking around, she noticed Obi-Wan Kenobi, standing a little bit away from them, arms crossed on his chest. Anakin's hand slipped from hers quickly, his eyes sadly refocusing on her face.

"I'm sorry…" he blurted out. "I've gotta go."

Obi-Wan was suddenly in front of them, bowing before her. She was back inside the Amidala persona in an instant.

"Your Highness, I hope my Padawan was not bothering you."

Addressing a stern glare to Anakin, who only looked down mutely, he turned to her expectantly.

"Not at all, Master Kenobi." She responded as sternly.

She bid him goodbye a little bit more gently, watching as the young Jedi Knight took his young apprentice by the shoulders, directing him to the hangar.

Anakin looked back slightly, addressing her a small smile before disappearing from her view.

She stayed a long time in the deserted corridor, before turning away from the approaching sunset and striding towards the Throne Room, the guards faithfully trailing behind her.

* * *

Padmé smiled at her parents, even as she realized she was theoretically their Queen. Such a strange thought. At their table, she felt nothing of the sorts.

"Are you sure you want to do another mandate?"

She was almost an adult now, a young woman, as she so rarely heard from her handmaidens. The question had come from her sister, who had just been happily married. A small whisper had made its way into her mind in spite of herself the day of her wedding, reminding her that she was far from having this kind of relationship with anyone.

"My people need me," she replied confidently. "They need my voice to lead them."

She knew they could all feel the truth in her words. Politics were not perfect and most of the time, ugly, corruption tainting even the beauty of the Naboo Palace. But they were necessary. Someone had to do it. And she was more than eager to be the one to do this task. Her life would make sense whenever she realized how many people were helped thanks to her interventions. She knew all surveys were proclaiming her large victory and it warmed her, brought a silent joy inside her that nothing or no one could replace.

Nothing could be more important than what she was doing now.

Her sister looked at her disapprovingly but she didn't care. When Sola joined her in the kitchen after dinner, she was not even surprised.

"What will it be next?" she asked seriously. "The Senate?"

Padmé laughed heartedly. "I don't think so. I will stop after my second mandate and live my life."

"Are you sure?"

She sighed in annoyance, turning away from the sink to face her sister, standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

"Yes, I'm sure, Sola. And even if I did continue, what would be wrong with that?"

"You have no life, Padmé."

"My life revolves around more important matters."

Now, she was no longer annoyed, she could feel cold anger coil in her stomach.

"I love you, Padmé. I'm concerned about you."

"You should be proud of your sister instead." She let out, trying to flee the room.

Her sister took her by the arms gently.

"I am proud of you, little sister."

Anger flew from her swiftly. She smiled at her sister soothingly.

"Don't worry about me. I want a family, a normal life. Just not now. Later. I don't want anything of that for now. My job is much more important."

* * *

"I see."

Her mother's forlorn voice washed over her through the communication and she winced.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Jobal sighed and she could almost hear the upcoming reproaches now.

"You said you would come for the holidays."

Padmé looked around her desk and the piles of work on it and sighed in turn.

"I'm stuck on Coruscant. The next Act is so important! I cannot let it pass or there could be disastrous consequences."

"I know, dear. But you could have forgotten about your work for the holidays at least."

Knowing she couldn't convince her daughter, Jobal left her place for her husband.

Ruwee's words were completely different. Padmé sighed in relief, discussing the new implications of the law with her father heatedly. They talked for the good part of an hour when she interrupted her father gently.

"I'm sorry, Dad, but I have an important meeting soon."

He smiled soothingly.

"I understand, dear. Go save the world." He winked and she felt his pride flow from Naboo to Coruscant instantly.

"Before you go, don't forget Sola will kill you if you don't show up for Ryoo's birthday."

She chuckled and promised she wouldn't miss this for anything in the world.

"Come home soon," he told her sadly before cutting the communication. "We miss you, dearie."

The console was shut off seconds later.

Padmé sighed in the suddenly silent office.


	2. Chapter 2

**2. Love**

**Rating**: PG-13 for implied nookie.  
**Characters**: A/P, Sola.  
**Time period**: From AOTC to ROTS.  
**Summary**: Snippets of A/P's relationship from AOTC to ROTS and the meaning of it in Padmé's life.

"Why did you go into politics?"

Padmé sighed, feigning ignorance but failing miserably as a reluctant smile erupted on her face.

"I already told you…" she replied, flashing him a smile. "You asked me if I always dreamt of power as a little girl."

The young man beside her sighed, looking around them, his blue intense eyes settling on the meadow and breathing in the air of flowers. When these eyes settled on her again, she felt her heart beat louder.

"But you didn't tell me _why_ you went into politics."

She sighed and chuckled slightly at his earnest expression.

"Why do you care?" she asked playfully, feeling the small wind rustle her yellow outfit and feeling so far away from those politics.

Anakin leant closer.

She couldn't breathe.

"Because I'm curious." He shrugged, his gaze boring into hers. As if everything about her truly captivated him.

And somehow the words spilled from her lips.

"I wanted to help people." She said quietly. "I saw all these people suffering on the Holonet once and I suddenly wanted to accompany my father. He was part of a program, helping relocate children at that time…" she elaborated when she felt his confusion. He was hanging on her words, blue eyes focused on her and her only.

She felt warm, let her eyes roam on the grass next to her.

"I saw all these children, around my age, suffering and still holding hope in their hearts. A little bit like you when I met you." She said quietly, catching his eye. He smiled in understanding. Suddenly the years spent apart vanished into thin air. "I felt horrible for my own comfort. For my own luck. When I realized that some people on Naboo were still dying because of the inadequacy of the Queen and her advisors at that time, I felt this_need_, you know," she gestured, "to help. To give my life a sense."

He nodded earnestly and she felt herself drown into his eyes again.

He understood.

"Being a Jedi…" he trailed off. "It's the same feeling." He finished shyly.

She almost reached out a hand to smother his hair in an impulse she couldn't quite explain, and stopped herself, blushing.

There was another silence. She saw his hand come closer to hers.

She was scared to realize she wanted the warmth of it on her skin again.

"It's my turn now." She announced brightly, resting her hand on her lap before he could reach her. Anakin looked slightly disappointed but she did her best to ignore it. "I have to ask you another question."

* * *

"Why did you have to go into politics?"

He sounded whiny and she turned around, pulling the sheet tighter around her body, shutting down the Holonet guiltily.

"I'm sorry…" Padmé said in apology as she spotted Anakin's ruffled hair and sleepy face as he sat higher in their bed.

The soothing small wind was rustling the drapes, creating a soothing atmosphere in the darkened room. She came back to the bed, sitting beside him, tangling a hand into his hair. He sighed in longing.

"I've missed you…" he whispered, nuzzling her hand.

His blue eyes opened and a smirk made its way on his face.

"Politics are more important than your husband?" There was a slight hint of annoyance in his voice.

She shook her head, trailing little kisses on his chest. He groaned softly at her assault and swept her into his arms abruptly, pulling her on top of him.

"You're the only thing that matters, Anakin." She whispered very close to his face.

He smiled sadly this time, flesh hand reaching out to caress her face gently. Fingertips trailed on her skin tenderly and she saw herself in his eyes. When he spoke, she had already understood.

"You're beautiful." He whispered in muted reverence.

"And here I thought you married me for my brains…"

He laughed this time.

It was infectious and before she knew it, they were laughing, him on top of her, head tucked under her chin as his cheek pressed against her breast. She pulled the sheets around them and held him tighter.

When his lips delicately traced her skin, she closed her eyes tightly and felt tears escape her eyes at the thought he would be gone soon.

* * *

"For once, you stopped working."

Her sister's slightly accusing voice washed over her and she looked away from the garden behind the glass to Sola's brown eyes.

"I don't enjoy working this much, if you want to know the truth."

"Well, maybe you'd stop working that much if you actually had a life."

Padmé bit her lip and looked away from her sister, suddenly afraid of what she could blurt out if she pushed her.

"Maybe…" she trailed off, her deepest musings coming forth. "I think I'll stop politics after the war." She elaborated carefully.

"Really?" her sister sounded sceptical.

She sighed and bit her lip, thinking of her talks with Anakin, about how they would leave everything behind as soon as the war would be over, finally free.

"I'm thinking about it." She replied, a small smile edging on her face. "I think I've given more than a fair share of myself. And I've finally realized you couldn't change things alone."

The sentence had spilled from her lips and she suddenly realized it couldn't be closer to the truth.

"I hope this time, you'll stick to this." Her sister shot back.

But a little smile was now on her face, as if she had understood more than what she was letting on.

* * *

Anakin had not even stepped inside he was already pulling her flush against him, kissing the crook of her neck hungrily.

"Ani…" she stammered against his lips as he led them to the bedroom.

His hands were already pulling at the opening of her gown, a grin on his handsome face. She couldn't resist him when he looked at her like that. She undid her hair, watching with contentment as he pulled her against him again, breathing in her heavy tresses deeply.

They undressed quickly, smiles flashed, hands trailing on every piece of skin revealed, her fingers tracing the new scars on his chest. When she stood naked in front of him, his gaze was suddenly humble, hands trembling as they settled on her swollen belly shyly. She rested her hands on his and smiled broadly.

The baby kicked.

He laughed, his eyes fixed on her belly in wonder. Kneeling in front of her, he pressed his cheek against the revealed skin. She sighed contently in the silent room, passing a hand in his hair.

Happiness was here, right now, feeling his strong arms circling her waist, his breaths against her belly, knowing their small miracle was resting just between them.

Her hands grew feverish, burying inside his hair, caressing his face tenderly. His lips pressed against her belly, trailing higher and before she knew it, he was taking her into his arms, bringing her to their bed.

Later, she lay in his arms, his hands resting on her belly as she watched the sunlight disappearing slowly from the bedroom.

"I love you so much, Padmé," he whispered abruptly.

Her heart beat louder and she smiled into the darkness.

"I know," she whispered.

Tangling her fingers with his real ones, she put it on her lips, feeling him pressing her back even closer against his chest.

"Tell me, my love…" she said dreamily, referring to their shared reveries during the war, every time they found each other again. "Tell me what we'll do once the war is over."

He smiled against her neck, his fingers tracing a pattern on her belly.

"It's simple. I'll tell the Council I'm no longer a Jedi." He paused. "I can almost picture their faces…" they chuckled. "You'll go see the Queen and resign as a Senator."

She made a face, turning sideways, a playful smile on her face as she met his blue eyes.

"You leaving the Order is a given but what makes you think I will give up on politics?"

He raised an eyebrow, looking unsure abruptly.

Her lips twitched up in spite of herself.

"You're making fun of me…" he whispered, smiling roguishly this time.

"Yes."

Her serious tone proved to be fatal. Deftly, he rolled her on her back, hovering above her with the premises of payback on his face.

His smirk promised much as she smiled in turn.

When his lips joined hers again, she sighed against his mouth.

"I don't need politics…" she whispered in the crook of his neck.

"You and this baby are all I need."

His smile was enough to lighten the room.

Even when his commlink beeped soundly and he had to pull himself from her later and she watched him pull on his clothes to join the Jedi Temple, his blue eyes shining with love were enough to make her feel even better than she already did. He left silently but she knew he would be back soon, at her side.

Her nightgown clung to her curves as she appraised herself in the mirror and she began to brush her curls, moving in her bedroom with a smile on her face.

Her commlink beeped in the silent night. She hesitated, staring at it resting on the pile of clothes on the floor.

It could be urgent.

It was always urgent. Problems to fix, people to help. Things to change.

But now, somehow, tonight, it didn't feel appealing.

She turned away, thinking that these issues could wait for the next morning.

Now politics couldn't reach her in the small haven she had created for her and her family. She would dedicate her strength for the galaxy the next day.

For now, she only wanted to be Padmé.

She moved away from the bedroom and resumed brushing her hair, the smile coming back to her face.

Anakin wouldn't be long now.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

I was inspired by Stover's missing scenes in the ROTS novelization but I didn't feel bound to them. This fic takes place after Padmé's cut scene in Bail Organa's office in ROTS.

Thanks to leianaberrie for her help, inspiration and for beta-ing this of course!

* * *

**3. Trust - I**

Bail's words had shocked her more than what she had let on.

They replayed in Padmé's head over and over again as she left her office for her apartment. She sighed deeply, looking at the vastness of Coruscant in front of her. The sunset soothed her somehow and she put a hand on her belly absent-mindedly, waving her handmaidens away and lingering in her veranda.

She sighed.

_Palpatine_.

He had also been corrupted. No one seemed immune when confronted to power. Of course, she had always been wary of Palpatine's half-truths and his way of extending his mandate much longer than what was needed. But she had strived to believe him. He had been her advisor, almost a mentor during her reign as Queen. And somehow she had trusted him. _Trusted_ him and he had done exactly what Chancellor Valorum had, so long ago. And now they had to stop him. _She_ had to do her best to stop the Republic from falling into shambles.

It had started with those laws about certain systems. She had been too preoccupied with Anakin to pay attention or to care. As soon as the war began to rage on each side of the galaxy, the laws became firmer, harder. Jedi had total control over the persons they arrested. And she had said nothing because her husband was a Jedi and it didn't even occur to her Jedi could turn to the dark side and become worse than ordinary criminals.

Then there were the governors, instated by Palpatine himself, progressing taking over the Senators' prerogatives progressively. Then the law that was passed that demanded that every new planet leader be forced to swear an oath of fealty to the Chancellor. Then Palpatine himself controlling that those new leaders were not potential Separatists.

The censure of Holonet broadcasts. The Republic propaganda that portrayed the Separatists as monsters. Padmé had known some leaders joining the Confederacy led by Count Dooku. They were not monsters. They had simply stopped believing in the Republic.

Had she become one of them?

She could certainly see restrictions to the common liberties now. She looked around and noticed unfair treatments under the disguise of _possible Separatists threats_. She noticed the growing amendments to the Constitution.

And the worst thing was… no one else seemed to notice. No one seemed to care around her.

Probably because none of them was really concerned by this _Separatist_ title. As if it was a disease.

She stopped herself in horror.

Was she becoming a Separatist? Would she betray the Republic?

Of course not, never.

But what if…? What if the Republic was no more? What if something uglier and monstrous had taken its place unbeknownst to all of them?

She took a deep breath. Bail had seen it too. She was not the only one.

And maybe… maybe, despite power and the war, Palpatine would see it too.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

She stifled a gasp and her head whipped around.

A smile formed on her lips immediately and her dark thoughts vanished.

"Ani…" she breathed, watching as he came to sit down next to her.

She knew right away that something was wrong.

His expression was troubled. But he smiled nonetheless and took her hand in his, bending closer to her to nuzzle her neck tenderly.

She breathed.

_Thanks the Force he's here_…

The baby kicked as if on cue. It hurt momentarily and she gasped.

Anakin jerked away from her as if she burned. Instead of a smile or his eyes twinkling, his face shone with concern.

With fear.

"What is it?" he asked immediately.

She was reminded of his nightmare and smiled soothingly.

"The baby kicked."

His eyes turned to her belly. Instead of wonder and delight as the night before, he only frowned. The look in his eyes as he watched the bump hidden by violet layers made her frown in response. She didn't like the look he gave to her belly. Alarm filled her mind.

Was Anakin resenting their baby because of his nightmare?

Abruptly, she took his flesh hand into hers and pressed it against her belly, waiting breathlessly as her eyes focused on his face.

The baby kicked again.

A reluctant smile passed on his lips, his expression softening. She sighed inwardly. Of course not. Anakin loved this baby as much as she did.

"He keeps kicking lately…" she whispered, caressing the fingers still pressed against her.

Anakin's eyes shone with mischief as he looked at her.

"_He_? I thought you asked your droid not to tell you anything about that."

She remembered discussing this with him, as soon as they were coherent to speak and how he had pouted when she told him she wanted to keep the sex of the baby a secret. Then they had discussed names. She was sure it was a boy. Anakin insisted it was a girl.

"I don't _know_… I _think_ it's going to be a boy."

He chuckled. "And why is that, milady?"

"Motherly intuition." She shot back.

The baby kicked again, right where Anakin's hand lay. She knew the baby could feel his father and she felt happiness surge inside of her. Her smile widened as she watched his expression. He looked fascinated, all his earlier worries somewhat vanished.

"With a kick that strong, it's got to be a girl." He looked at her defiantly.

"And what makes _you_ think that?" she teased him.

"Jedi fatherly intuition."

Padmé giggled, as his fingers traced a soothing pattern on her belly. She realized she wanted those fingers on her back now. It hurt and it would go on hurting until she lay down.

But Anakin's expression darkened and he started to talk about the Jedi. At first, she only felt joy that he had been accepted into the Council but it soon changed into worry as she eyed him. He was disappointed, troubled that he had not been made a Master.

She tried to tell him it would come, that he needed to be patient.

But he grew restless and his hand left her belly as he started to talk about politics.

Her earlier musing sprang forth and she tried to convince him. She and Anakin disagreed often when it came to politics. But his reaction was… unsettling. She refused to take offense of it when he accused her of being a Separatist, even if in his mouth, it sounded worse than an insult. She understood almost right away that this knowledge was hard to accept for him. He had been the one to go out there, fighting and risking his life all the time.

She tried a different tactic. Maybe… Palpatine would take things better if someone close to him could…

That was when Anakin exploded.

When he pointed a finger at her and stood up, putting distance between them somehow, she understood that something else was troubling him.

But he wouldn't talk, like the night before. He was closing himself off and she hated that.

"Please, tell me what's troubling you," she entreated him softly, caressing his arms soothingly. "I want to help you."

She hurt to see him in such obvious distress.

"I want to help _you_." He responded automatically.

She sighed and understood. His nightmare. Still troubling him.

"Hold me."

It was all she wanted now, all she knew he needed now because there was nothing he could do about those nightmares but wait to hold his child in his arms and see she was safe.

_No politics, please_…

She didn't want them to come between them. Not now. Not ever.

But his arms went up around her reluctantly. His embrace was shallow. He sighed against her hair and she wondered if she was not the only one picturing Naboo against the Coruscant sound of traffic.

"I love you, Ani, you know that?" Padmé whispered, burying her face deeper into his chest.

His chin didn't move on top of her head. But his arms held her tighter.

"I know." He breathed at last.

Why did he not sound convinced?

She frowned but he was soon leading her away from the veranda to take her into their bedroom. The look in his eyes as he undressed her made her heart turn over in her chest. He let her undress him, his eyes closed as she divested him of layers of clothes.

"Anakin… Tell me what's troubling-" she tried again, only to feel his mouth close over hers shakily as he pulled her towards the bed.

Padmé closed her eyes and chased the dark thoughts away from her mind.

He made love to her softly, as if afraid she would break. But she felt alone during their lovemaking. He was elsewhere, so different than the night before. He pulled away from her embrace, eyes riveted to the ceiling, unseeing. She swallowed, eyes trying to search his in the dark. She buried her face into his chest and clutched him tight.

She understood then he was angry.

"I have to sneak away to see you and my child! And we have so little time it feels like we're only _lovers_, not husband and wife!"

His voice was so bitter she shook against him.

"I can't even leave _them_…" he said angrily.

She passed a hand on his chest, trying to ease off the tension. He relaxed slightly under her touch.

"There's something wrong…" she whispered against his skin. "Why don't you tell me?"

"There's something troubling you, too." He snapped. "And you're not telling me anything either. Should I worry?"

She froze against him, remembering she couldn't talk to him about the petition.

"I'm not hiding anything from you, Anakin-"

"I know." He said suddenly. He pressed her closer to him in silent apology, her belly kneaded between them.

He caressed her hair gently as she fell into a peaceful slumber, listening to the echo of his heartbeat.

* * *

Beeping. 

Insisting beeping. Padmé moaned in her sleep and turned away from the light on her right. She fell back into unconsciousness to be only pulled back by a caress on her skin.

A kiss on her shoulder.

"Padmé… I'm leaving to see the Chancellor."

Her eyes snapped open. Anakin was kneeling at her bedside, fully dressed, eyes still sad. He traced her face gently and forced a smile.

"He just commed me. It sounded urgent. I have to go see him at the Opera. Don't wait for me, I'll probably be late."

He moved to stand up but her hand held him back urgently, searching his eyes though she could not understand why.

"What is it? Padmé, I'm already late…"

There was only surprise in his eyes. No trace of bitterness or anger. Padmé was relieved to see he held no resentment against her, no matter how silly she felt. She shook her head reassuringly.

"I hope I'll have time to sneak here before going back to the Temple," he told her before getting to his feet, and readjusting the lightsaber on his hip.

"I hope the Chancellor will not wonder why your belt is adjusted this way…" she teased him slightly, pointing at his utility belt.

He blushed and reattached his belt swiftly. She smiled when she realized she could still make him blush this way.

"Let's hope he won't find my lazy smile suspicious either…" Anakin teased, mischief in his eyes.

She was relieved to see some light in his eyes again.

"I'm not sure I really want to go there…" he added thoughtfully.

She frowned. He was always glad to see the Chancellor usually… Her heart tightened.

"Do you think you're going to be sent away on a mission?" she whispered.

He shook his head reassuringly and smiled. The smile didn't reach his eyes though.

She flopped back on the bed, watching him go.

* * *

Padmé sighed deeply, glancing at her chrono and burying her face into her pillow. There was little hope he would come back now. 

Her secret transmission console beeped abruptly. She rushed to answer it. Anakin's soothing image appeared on the screen and he looked a little bit more at peace somehow.

"I'm sorry, Padmé, I've got to go back to the Temple, there's an early meeting at the Council tomorrow."

She nodded sadly, her fingers reaching out to caress his image.

"Will you come to see me tomorrow?"

"As soon as I can," he responded eagerly. "But… it's possible the Jedi may send me away."

He paused. The sound of the traffic behind him seemed to get louder.

Padmé swallowed. Exactly what she had dreaded.

"Will you be gone long?"

"I hope not."

Her stomach tightened into a painful lump. He looked almost happy to be sent away. Usually he would grumble and look disheartened at the very prospect of leaving her. And now, though he had been here for barely two standard days, though she needed him like hell in the midst of political disillusions and the upcoming childbirth, he looked completely satisfied to be sent away from her.

Anakin frowned.

"What is it?"

"Nothing…" she breathed, trying to swallow back the tears in her eyes.

_How long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?_

Her earlier words to him came back, punishing her somehow. But he looked so troubled already… No need to feel weak now.

Anakin's jaw was firm on the screen.

"All right, I'm coming." He said with authority.

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. If she let him do all he wanted to do, their secret would have been out for a long time. He would have probably barged into the Senate after a long mission and embraced her in front of everyone to see if she had let him.

A nasty voice whispered in her mind: _And what would have been so wrong with that? _

"No, Anakin, don't do that. I'm fine. Just tired. I'll see you tomorrow."

"No, I can see something's wrong." He ground out.

The screen became black before she could say anything. Hastily retrieving a robe to put on her nightgown, she made her way towards the veranda and waited anxiously.

She would brush him away because he needed to be at the Temple now and not here, listening to her pregnant babbling. She knew she was more emotional than she was before… But a selfish desire was taking hold of her abruptly. She wanted to keep him with her and not let him go…

He would be sent there… Far away, presumably. Risking his life again. Could she bear that again? After all these lonely months spent worrying, unable to sleep, eyes riveted to the Holonet in the hopes he would be just fine…

Anakin's speeder was coming. Padmé braced herself. He needed her to be strong or they would both crumble down. She searched for her political face, her serenity. When he pulled his speeder at a stop in front of her, gracefully escaping the vehicle, she thought she had succeeded. But when he waltzed towards her, instead of faking a soothing smile because she was fine, _really_, she found herself running into his arms.

He held her close and she breathed out shakily.

"I don't want you to go… not again." She blurted out against his chest before she could think.

"It won't be long, you'll see. If I'm sent over there, I'll capture Grievous and the war will be over."

"Grievous?" she breathed, pulling away to look at him. There was still this hint of satisfaction on his face.

He nodded, one hand reaching out to caress her face soothingly.

"I was just afraid… you wouldn't be…" she tried to pull away from him completely, swallowing the stinging tears.

He stopped her, gently pulling her into his embrace again.

His eyes were earnest as he looked at her.

"I'll be there for the birth, I promise. You don't need to fear. I'll be there."

He kissed her then and everything was all right. He sounded hopeful for once and somehow she began to feel it too. But when he didn't make any move to pull away from her, she reluctantly reminded him of his duties.

"Anakin… I thought you had an early meeting-"

He kissed her again, muffling the rest of her words. His reverent touch on her skin was enough sign he was more restful somehow. Shaking her head at his impetuousness and the risk they were taking, kissing on her veranda, she took his hand and led him inside.

They stayed in each other's arms, cuddled in her bed until he got up as usual and left her, just as dawn peeked through the horizon. His eyes were shadowed as he kissed her goodbye. Only then did she realize he had not slept the whole night.


	4. Chapter 4

**4. Trust - II**

**Timeframe**: ROTS  
**Characters**: A/P, Obi-Wan, Palpatine, various Senators.  
**Rating**: PG13 to be safe.  
**Summary**: The vignette still follows ROTS after Trust I.

* * *

When Obi-Wan appeared into her apartment, Padmé fought the urge to brush him away. He was the last person she wanted to see now. Just looking at his Jedi robes made her feel ill-at-ease. 

But she faked a smile and offered him a seat beside her on the sofa. He looked embarrassed to be there and she felt suddenly guilty. Obi-Wan was not the Jedi Order personified. He was above all Anakin's best friend and mentor. Not someone she could fear.

Besides, she liked him.

"Do you want something to drink, Master Kenobi?"

He shook his head politely. "No 'Master Kenobi', please, Senator. Just Obi-Wan."

She smiled teasingly. "Then just Padmé, no 'Senator', please."

He smiled reluctantly but soon became serious again. She could almost feel something important tugging at his mind. Could he feel her baby? The idea sounded ludicrous but she couldn't stop the fear surging inside of her.

"I've come to talk about Anakin."

Her insides froze. That was it. Had Anakin told him about them before he left for his mission? The thought left her cold and reminded her of Anakin's absence. Sorrow began to grow inside of her even as she fought it. Obi-Wan's eyes seemed to scrutinize her and she put her political mask on her face immediately.

"And why is that?"

"I'd hope you could help him."

She smiled pleasantly. "Why? You are closer to him than I am."

The Jedi sighed, blue eyes drifting in the distance.

"Padmé… I'm not blind. I can see how you look at each other. I know you're in love."

She froze and stood up abruptly, ignoring the dull pain in her spine. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Her voice was calm. Anyone would be fooled. But Obi-Wan stood up as well and his gaze pierced her. Jedi could read feelings, she knew it.

"I'm not here to judge you, Padmé. I will not reveal what I know to the Council. I only want you to help him."

She swallowed, looking away. She did not confirm his statement but did not refute it either. His words were drilling an uneasy feeling into her. If he had not come to ask her to let Anakin go or threaten to report their relationship to the Council, why was he here?

"Help? What do you mean? Is he in danger?"

His upcoming mission became a bitter taste in her mouth. The thought of losing him was paralysing.

Obi-Wan shook his head and paced inside her living room, arms crossed. "He's been troubled lately, confused."

She arched an eyebrow. Anakin was an open book to anyone who knew him. She was not surprised Obi-Wan had caught Anakin's restlessness after his nightmare and her… news.

He stopped pacing and looked at her in the eye.

"Please, do what you can. I know…" he trailed off and this time, he was the one unable to look at her. "I know you always calm him."

She let go of her reservations at once, turning away from him.

"How can I help him since he's going to be sent away?"

Behind her, Obi-Wan sighed. "I'm the one sent to the mission he presumably talked to you about." His voice was dry.

But at his words, Padmé's heart had leaped. In spite of everything, she was relieved Anakin wouldn't leave Coruscant any time soon.

Then she froze as she realized that by her words, she had implied Anakin had seen her last night. Clearly, despite Obi-Wan's purported acceptance of their relationship, he didn't sound too satisfied with it.

She whirled around to face the Jedi. Obi-Wan only stared at her silently. She prayed he wouldn't feel the baby. It would be too complicated… Not now. Above all not now Anakin was so on edge.

"You are not really good at hiding your feelings when it comes to Anakin." He stated brusquely. "But it doesn't matter now…" he murmured as if to himself. "Help him, please, Padmé."

With that, he bowed and left her to her own thoughts.

* * *

The meeting with the Chancellor was scheduled for the early evening. She asked C3PO to prepare everything for her own meeting with the Senators. There was still hope. She would convince Palpatine. He had been an open-minded man in the past and she could convince anyone. With this petition, he would be forced to renounce to the overwhelming powers the Senate had just voted. 

Taking off her thin black shawl and folding it in her hands, she went through the living room, glad all her meetings were scheduled for the day. Anakin barely moved from his spot on the couch when she entered the room, his eyes seemingly fixed on the datapad he was holding. She smiled when she saw him but he looked tense. It was confirmed when he spoke, asking about Obi-Wan darkly.

She was surprised he had guessed about his former Master coming to her apartment but reassured him quickly, passing a hand on his shoulders soothingly, feeling the muscles clench beneath the leather. He was so tense…

"He came by this morning."

He stood up quickly as she entered her bedroom.

"What did he want?"

Anakin looked completely confused and it only grew when he started to talk about the Council moodily. She frowned. It didn't sound like his usual discontentment with the Jedi Order. It sounded deeper than that. Her worry that there was something he was not telling her came back again.

She had been so happy to see him standing in her apartment earlier she didn't even notice the frustrated look on his face. She had only embraced him strongly, asking him why he had not been sent away to search for Grievous. _Obi-Wan_, he had answered shortly. She had fought the urge to tell him she was glad the Jedi had been sent there, knowing he would not really understand. She thought he would calm down while she went through her calls to the Senators coming this afternoon. He only further became more tense.

"I'm not the Jedi I should be."

She frowned, Obi-Wan's worried tone coming back in full force.

She came to him then and caressed his arms soothingly, reassuring him with her words and her touch.

And then, his voice sounded different. Frustration eluded him. There was only fear and despair.

"I think I've found a way to save you."

_Save her?_

But she was in no danger, she was standing right in front of him. He looked completely vulnerable as he mentioned his nightmares again.

Was it still haunting him? How could she have been so blind?

"I won't die in childbirth, Ani. I promise you."

He shook his head, his hand tracing her face hypnotically.

"No, I promise you!" he ground out.

She frowned, about to ask him something else but he only pressed her closer shakily. He buried his face against her neck and trembled.

"You're everything to me, Padmé…" he whispered. "I'm nothing without you."

She inched closer, tangling her hands into his hair.

"You won't lose me, Ani. Not ever."

He pulled away slightly, blue shadowed eyes silently asking for confirmation. She smiled, tracing his face gently.

"If only I could believe you…" he whispered.

She frowned. "Don't you trust me?"

"With my life." He responded immediately. "But this is not something you can promise, Padmé… You… In my dreams… you couldn't…"

He trailed off shakily, closing his eyes as if he could see her in his nightmare and pulled her close again. She embraced him strongly, knowing it was the only thing she could do now.

They stayed inseparable through a good part of the afternoon as she sighed against his skin and forgot the whole world outside. But soon enough, she realized how much time she had passed in his arms and they had to come back to reality. Anakin was silent, his hands tracing soothing patterns on her skin, sighing as she caressed his hair tenderly. But 3PO was suddenly tapping at her door, claiming Bail Organa had arrived. Anakin was soon dressing up in a blur, mumbling he had to go back to the Temple before someone wondered what he was doing. She escaped the sanctuary of their bed, pulled on a robe silently. When he moved to embrace her, she held onto him unconsciously, unable to let him go somehow. 3PO's knocking was more urgent against the door.

Deep fear settled inside her and she clutched him tighter.

"Padmé… I have to go. And you do too."

He looked as reluctant as she did and she brushed curls away from his forehead tenderly. He looked so exhausted. She fought the urge to keep him with her, even as she didn't understand her sudden fright. His hand lingered in hers as he stepped away from her, eyes not leaving her until he disappeared into the corridor leading to the veranda.

She almost felt like she would never see him again.

It was ridiculous and she knew it but she couldn't shake off the feeling from her mind.

* * *

Padmé had tried all afternoon to bring up Anakin in the discussion. But no matter how much she tried, her fellow Senators simply did not want to include the Jedi for now. Somehow during the Wars, the people had come to distrust Jedi, with all these talks about Jedi turning to the dark side and Count Dooku once being one of them. She had to fight the urge to tell her colleagues she didn't care about _Jedi_, she cared about one in particular. All the Jedi could be corrupted for all she cared, she knew she could count on Anakin. Only the fear that their secret could be discovered made her stop from mentioning Anakin's name. She knew he was one of the few heroes of this war. 

And yet there was his friendship with Palpatine. She had a feeling the Senators around her wouldn't want her to talk to this petition with him.

The meeting was over minutes later. They all parted to reach the Senate on their own. She changed from her comfortable clothes. Frowning, she went through the different gowns with her faithful handmaidens and dismissed nearly all of them. Her fingers lingered on a beautiful regal gown and she knew it was the one she needed. Getting inside it was difficult and the baby kicked as her belly was suddenly pressed within. She put a soothing hand on her abdomen, sending silent waves of comfort to her child. The hairdo had to be regal too. When it was finished, she looked at herself in front of the mirror and nodded her approval to her handmaidens.

She looked determined. Almost rigid. Exactly what she needed in front of Palpatine.

She joined the other Senators some time later as they went through their claims. Bail had excused himself, busy with Alderaan matters. The tactic was clever. If their claims were rejected, Palpatine wouldn't associate Bail and Mon Mothma's names with this act of disobedience. They could go on with their… organization without raising any suspicion.

As she went through the corridors, Padmé Amidala shivered though she felt hot underneath her cumbersome gown. It had to succeed. She could not let herself believe the Republic was dead. Not now. Not ever.

* * *

She felt Anakin before even entering Palpatine's office. Padmé frowned, amazed at this sort of connection between them. As she walked into the room, flanked with the other Senators, he didn't look surprised to see her either. 

_I can always feel you_, he had told her once.

He looked troubled, she noticed. She didn't like him being here. But now he would know about the petition. Fortunately she had not mentioned him during her talk with the Senators. They wouldn't have appreciated him standing near Palpatine like that.

_Oh, Ani, I'm sorry_… she thought very hard.

Palpatine's smile gave her shivers, even if she did not know why.

She placated a mask on her face and sat down in front of him. The discussion began heatedly and she tried to forget about Anakin's gaze on her the whole meeting.

He was distracting her. She could almost feel the disappointment flowing from him. Sadness and anger intrinsically mixed. She hated that he stood so rigidly beside Palpatine, as if he supported him.

Palpatine rejected every single one of their claims without even listening to her. She had the nagging suspicion to be transported more than three years ago as he decreed that she had to go to Naboo to hide there. She had had no say in that. She had hated this sensation.

She didn't like it more now.

Anger invaded her as Palpatine continued to treat them like pieces of junk. He didn't care about their claims. He didn't seem to care for anything but his power.

There was an enormous wall before her. She was knocking on it forcefully but it could not crumble.

Padmé felt so useless suddenly.

When she decided to take the conversation back to the petition and the end of the war, Palpatine's face changed. For a split second, there was no warmth in his eyes. They were cold and calculating. As though they had no _right_ to stand up to him.

Padmé felt the hair on her neck stand and before she knew it, she was up, her eyes blazing.

"On behalf of the delegation of the 2,000, I thank you, Chancellor."

All her trust in the man had vanished.

She was disgusted.

"I thank you… for bringing this to my attention, Senator."

Palpatine looked triumphant. His smile almost made her squirm in discomfort. There was no smile on her face. There could not be for someone who had betrayed her so completely.

To think she had been one of the few amongst the 2,000, defending him.

She couldn't resist. She sent a helpless look to Anakin.

She needed his comfort now.

He looked down.

Her husband couldn't look at her in the eye. No doubt he shared Palpatine's views.

She sighed and shot him a disappointed look. As she waltzed away from Palpatine and his cold platitudes, she swore she could feel Anakin's eyes on her until she left the room. At the edge of her consciousness, she could feel the torment within him.


	5. Chapter 5

**5. Fear**

**Rating**: PG I guess.

**Characters**: A/P, Palpatine, Bail.

**Timeframe**: Still ROTS.

**Summary**: Fear is something Padmé rarely feels but she can't escape it when everything crumbles down around her.

Padmé jerked awake, heart pounding, hands reaching out.

Only the soothing sound of the traffic answered her. She turned her head to look at his empty side of the bed and frowned. Anakin had never failed to sneak away from the Temple before.

Was it because of what happened in Palpatine's office?

She chased the thought away roughly. No. There was something else.

The sick feeling deep inside of her made her heart squeeze within her ribcage.

There was something wrong. _Wrong_.

Something had happened to Anakin.

She could_ feel_ it. She could almost taste the darkness gathering around her. Her hands trembled as she put them on her face, breathing shakily.

Why wasn't he here? It was so late… Why?

Something had happened. Something…

"Miss Padmé!"

She jerked, her back hurting as she rushed out of her bed to open the door, trembling in the darkness.

She had left C3PO activated just in case Anakin would call and she would be sleeping. The droid looked distraught as the door to her bedroom hissed open. His eyes shone in the darkness as he obviously searched for words.

_Searched for words? 3PO?_

Fear coiled around her heart. She couldn't breathe.

"Oh, Miss Padmé, you should come to see! The Temple! Oh my!"

Her throat was too contracted. She couldn't speak. She rushed to the grand window, the same one she had stared through as she felt Anakin reach out to her earlier.

She gasped, covering her mouth with one trembling hand. Smoke billowed over the majestic building, the sick color of fire merging with the walls. Her chin trembled and she barely remembered the words she said to 3PO. Only knew the meaning. He had to see if Anakin was still with Palpatine.

Who had attacked the Temple? The Separatists? And Anakin… was he there? Was he making his way through the fire to help his fellow Jedi?

The faithful protocol droid was soon enough back at her side, telling her Anakin had left the Chancellor's office earlier to join the Temple.

Her eyes lost themselves on the building so far away. She could not feel him as she felt him then. The fear was contracting every muscle in her abdomen and she struggled to breathe. The very thought he would die there… Where she thought he would be safe…

Sobs escaped her chest and she looked down, unable to stare at the Temple, the shivers down her spine preventing her from thinking.

She sat on the sofa, eyes lost in the horizon, praying the Force for Anakin's safety for minutes, hours, she didn't know.

3PO was soon there, claiming Anakin's starfighter was coming their way and she didn't hear the rest of his words. In a blur, she was outside, on her veranda.

He was standing there in front of her and he was all right.

She fell into his arms and felt some of her tears fall into the crook of his neck as she held him tightly. The words escaping her mouth were blurry, panicked as she caressed his hair frantically.

Her heart had slowed down. She could breathe again.

But there was still this shiver down her spine. And it only grew more intense when he began to explain to her that Master Windu had tried to assassinate the Chancellor.

She gasped, unable to believe it. But what had happened to the Republic? To the Jedi? Anakin started to talk then, of loyalty and…

Her heart squeezed again. He had not talked of survivors or how he had tried to help some of the Jedi or why the Chancellor had given the order to kill them _all_. No. Anakin was only talking about loyalty.

What loyalty? His fellow comrades were there, dying…

"What about Obi-Wan?" she asked worriedly, knowing Anakin would be scared for his Master at least.

He didn't respond. Only claimed a lot of Jedi had been killed already.

She fought against the sick feeling in her stomach.

Anakin was… changed. She knew it, could feel it. His eyes were shadowed. Why had he come back to the Temple if… She swallowed. No. Impossible.

Jedi were dying now. Even Jedi were not immune to Palpatine's wrath.

All her world was crumbling down and she could only watch helplessly.

"Anakin, I'm afraid."

The words, torn from her throat seemed to make him react. He caressed her cheek soothingly.

Anakin was talking again, of a planet named Mustafar and a mission about Separatists. She was lost, confused. He asked her to wait for him.

Of course, she would. Always. Why was he even asking?

Her thoughts stopped when he kissed her and she strained to get closer, her hands pressing on his arms as his hand caressed her skin.

_Anakin…_

Before she knew it, he was gone again, his eyes resting on hers until the starfighter disappeared into the traffic.

The sick feeling in her stomach was only amplifying.

* * *

Extraordinary session.

That had been all Mas Amedda had told her. Padmé had prepared dutifully, tugging on her robe as her handmaidens put silver bands in her hair. But she could not stop the worry from invading her with every second. She couldn't stop feeling sick.

The baby kicked.

She inhaled roughly, straining to calm the little one in her belly. Her hands traced her hidden abdomen soothingly, sending waves of comfort. She would not be able to do that in the Senate.

She felt something important about to happen when she entered the majestic building. She had seen the smoke still rising out of the Temple as they flew towards the Senate. It made her sick. Now, the atmosphere was edgy, Senators exchanging looks of unease. No doubt everyone was scared to see the Jedi attacked.

She settled in her pod, ignoring the conversations in the other ones. Her hands traced the metallic surface around her and she sighed. The ill feeling was only growing inside of her.

She inhaled deeply. She had to be strong. Palpatine would attempt to seize even more power after this botched attack.

_If Anakin told her the truth…_

She blinked. There was no one she trusted more than Anakin. Maybe, Mace Windu had really attempted to kill the Chancellor. Maybe something she didn't know had propelled him to do this…

Her head was aching suddenly.

Palpatine entered the Senate. Triumphantly.

She gasped and heard confused murmurs around her. He was unrecognizable. Even with this hood on his face, he was now… hideous. Even from where she sat, she could almost sense these sickening yellow eyes settling on her.

She swallowed and listened to his speech reluctantly.

So there _had been_ an assassination attempt.

Bail Organa approached from behind and she barely acknowledged him as Palpatine went on with his explanations.

"The remaining Jedi will be hunted down and defeated."

The shiver went down her spine, the cold sensation around her neck amplifying with the Chancellor's words.

It was only then that she understood. She looked around, saw the applause at every word uttered and fought the uneasy feeling within her. He would seize more power and no one would stop him.

_Oh, please, no…_

"The Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire!"

She froze, one trembling hand reaching out to her lips unconsciously.

_No! Oh Force, no…_

All this was a nightmare. The Temple attacked. Palpatine declaring the Empire… No. This was a nightmare. She straightened, ready to get up, ready to counter this _ridiculous_ assertion. This was a Republic. They were in a democracy. This was impossible…

But the applause only got louder. She stared at her fellow Senators, frozen, felt her heart sink. Palpatine's name was chanted as a mantra around her.

Only one thought coursed through her as she looked at the Senate in disbelief.

_So this how it is… to lose democracy. To live in a dictatorship…_

Bitterly, she remembered Bail was behind her. He would understand how she felt. Betrayed, sad, disgusted.

"So this is how liberty dies," she said, fighting against her trembling. "With thunderous applause!"

She had heard about worlds losing democracy and freedom, far away worlds, some not even part of the Republic… She had wondered then, why no one protested, why people accepted this and said nothing.

She knew now.

It was horrible.

She wanted to cry but couldn't even shed a single tear. The applause got even louder. All her work, all her life thrown away… In a single instant.

By Palpatine.

She shook herself inwardly.

There was still hope.

There was always hope. As long as she lived, she would not give up.

And she had to remember Anakin was safe from Palpatine for the time being.

_There's still hope…_

Bail was moving behind her, a frown installed on his face.

"We've got to stop him," he said angrily. He made a move for the console in her pod, ready to ask for speech allowance.

Her hand reached out to settle on his arm abruptly.

His brown eyes settled on hers in disbelief.

She shook her head. "No, Bail. The majority of the Senators support him. If you do that, Palpatine will be wary of you. You know what happened to the Jedi."

He frowned further and his eyes only darkened at the Jedi's mention. He bent closer to hers, eyeing the pods around him warily.

"I know. I saw clonetroopers shooting at _children_."

She shivered and closed her eyes briefly, fighting against the lump in her throat.

"If we want to stop him, we have to act like we support him. And keep the secret. Now tell me about the organization you talked about."

Bail looked grateful and nodded discreetly. She looked around them, feeling like there was no one she could trust.

"I'll see you tomorrow to talk about this…" he told her before helping her to her feet as they left the arena.

* * *

Padmé cancelled all her appointments as soon as she entered her apartment. She didn't want to see anyone. All her work felt so useless now. She changed into a more comfortable clothing and hairdo, twirling her fingers in the mass of curls, looking at herself in the mirror.

_There's still hope._

Here, sitting alone in the darkness, it was hard to believe this.

But maybe… She could be useful. Maybe Bail, she and Mon Mothma and all these Senators who still believed in democracy would help get rid of this monster. She would have to manoeuvre carefully to explain this to Anakin. She would make him see the danger Palpatine now represented. As soon as the war would be over, there would be no reason to support this _dictator_.

She didn't want to hide anything from her husband now. They would fight together.

But she could only remember the look on his face as he mentioned the Jedi.

_Remorseful?_

She shook her head roughly.

Why was she even considering such a thing?

He would come back. They would talk. She would bury her face in the crook of his neck and hold him close to protect them both from this crumbling world.

As long as Anakin was with her, she would be fine.

But her hands were still trembling.

Fear was a permanent companion, no matter where she went.


	6. Chapter 6

**6. Faith**

**Rating**: PG

**Characters**: Padmé, Obi-Wan, 3PO

**Summary**: "Have faith my love, everything will soon be set right..." Padmé has faith in Anakin. Maybe too much.

* * *

"Miss Padmé!"

C3PO's voice shook her from her reverie as she stood in her bedroom, watching the various ships fly by her window.

"What is it, 3PO?" she asked wearily, straightening her gown. She had asked the droid not to let any income messages or communications save Anakin, her family or Bail.

The droid looked confused.

"There is a Jedi in the veranda who wishes to see you…"

_Anakin…_

She chased the thought away in disappointment. The protocol droid would have said his name straight away.

She swallowed. Who could be here for her? Which Jedi would come when they were pursued relentlessly by clonetroopers?

"He says his name is Obi-Wan Kenobi."

She gasped and waltzed past her droid to reach the corridor leading to her veranda. Obi-Wan was alive… She sighed in relief.

"May I help, Miss Padmé?" 3PO called after her.

She didn't look back.

"No, stay where you are and wait for any calls."

When she reached the veranda, she felt grateful for some fresh air. Obi-Wan turned away from the hypnotic traffic to face her as she approached him. All her earlier resentment had vanished. She was relieved to see him alive.

"Obi-Wan!" She exclaimed. He kissed her cheek gently, his eyes so sad it hurt to look at him.

"I feared the worst." She said hastily, forcing a smile on her face. "I'm glad to see you're well."

He swallowed, obviously looking troubled.

"Have you seen Anakin recently?"

"Yes…" she answered uneasily.

No desire to know further now. She realized with a pang that there were more pressing matters than her relationship with his former apprentice.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"Yesterday," she replied, turning her back to him instantly.

"And do you know where he is now?"

He sounded determined and it made her uneasy. Instantly, her desire to protect Anakin from whatever had happened rose inside of her.

"No." she replied instantly, though she hated lying to Obi-Wan in such circumstances.

But there was this feeling inside of her that told her something had happened between the two men somehow.

Obi-Wan didn't look convinced by her answer. He began to talk then, about danger… Her heart squeezed in horror and she whirled around to face him. All this had made her so wary. Of course, Obi-Wan would want to help Anakin. That was why he needed her help. Maybe she was the only one who could help him find him.

"In danger? From the Sith?" she blurted out.

She knew Jedi had been tracking the Sith relentlessly: she remembered the scar beside Anakin's eye and trembled. He had not told her the whole truth last night because he didn't want to worry her-

"From himself."

She froze, staring at him in disbelief. He tried to sound gentle then, tried to come closer to soften the blow.

Somehow she knew before he even uttered a word.

_Anakin has turned to the dark side…_

It was a nightmare.

Padmé fought the urge to slap Obi-Wan, only pulled away from him angrily. It took all her political training not to yell at him.

_How dare he?_

She was furious, felt anger fill her though she could not know why.

_Anakin's look as he said he would remain at the Chancellor's side…_

No. It was impossible! She would never believe this. Never!

And yet she could only see the truth in the Jedi's eyes. She saw the silent agony and she knew.

Padmé shook her head, denying his accusations.

She would be Anakin's last advocate if need be.

Obi-Wan turned away from her then, his voice almost shaking as he claimed he had witnessed Anakin killing…

She shook her head vehemently.

"Not Anakin! He couldn't-"

Her hands were almost feeling the movement of _their_ baby. The vision of her husband, eyes cold and hard, lightsaber slashing on small bodies was too hard. She couldn't believe this. Anakin would never do this. Never. He was a good person, one of the most selfless people she knew. She_ knew_ him, she _loved_ him, knew everything about him. He couldn't have… He just couldn't-

Not just the men, but the women, and the children too…

She felt cold suddenly.

Obi-Wan began to explain everything in a monochord voice. The words registered in her mind numbly.

Palpatine was a Sith.

She was not even shocked. It made sense. Much sense. It explained why a seemingly good man had shred the Republic into pieces.

And it also explained why he had never done anything to stop the war. Because he was behind all this.

They had been played so easily. Even Jedi. Obi-Wan sounded almost resigned. But when he included Anakin into this, she stared at him in disbelief. How could he stay so rigid and so _calm_ when his comrades were dying? How could he even think that Anakin, of all people-?

Anakin, a Sith?

Impossible.

_My loyalty lies with the Chancellor…_

"I don't believe you." She claimed, feeling herself crumble down.

"I can't!"

She was almost choking, her head spinning suddenly.

She had to sit down. Numbly, she found the couch and felt her legs give out as she sat down. Obi-Wan settled beside her, looking at her with compassion but also determination.

He wanted to find Anakin.

It was suddenly clear and she understood why she had felt so protective of Anakin from the beginning.

"You're going to kill him, aren't you?"

He had never wanted to help him, only wanted-

Padmé felt unwelcome tears come into her eyes. Obi-Wan, of all people, wanted to kill Anakin.

He didn't counter her claim, only said Anakin was a threat now.

_A threat?_

Anakin had come_ here_, last night. He had held her, kissed her in this veranda. She had sat right _here_, beside him as he laid his hand on her belly.

Obi-Wan wanted her to help kill the man she loved, the father of her child.

"I can't," she said simply.

It was all she could utter. She wanted to be more resentful. She wanted to sound angrier than this. But it was all she could say. She wanted the Jedi to leave. To go far away from her. Go away with his lies and his assertions.

Obi-Wan rose then, nodding.

She didn't watch him leave, only rested her hands on her belly. Her last comfort.

"Anakin's the father, isn't he?"

She looked up, stared at him silently. Looked down swiftly.

It was all he needed.

Strange that now their secret was out, it didn't feel relieving. It felt so useless.

"I'm so sorry."

That was all he said before leaving.

As if he had just told her Anakin was dead.

Tears fell on her cheeks and the traffic was suddenly blurred. Padmé rose on shaky legs, reached her bedroom slowly, ignoring 3PO's questions. She slumped on the bed, the uneasy feeling spreading through her body until she couldn't breathe.

Underneath her gown, she felt the weight of the jappor snippet against her chest. Her fingers reached out, smoothed the material.

The sobs began then. She could almost hear Anakin's childish voice. Could almost hear his mature voice later as he realized she had kept his gift. She could hear his voice in her ear the day before, as he twirled the jappor in his hand, holding her close in this bed. Her hand clutched the precious item so hard she felt the hard edges inch into her skin.

When she came back to her senses, she realized the sun was setting.

Padmé straightened, caressed the jappor.

Her mind was back into action.

There were two possibilities. Either Obi-Wan had lied -or had been mistaken- and Anakin had nothing to do with the Sith. The Jedi was intent on finding her husband. What if he discovered Anakin was on Mustafar and went to kill him?

She rose, called 3PO roughly, rummaged through her clothes urgently and found the only jumping suit she could still put on.

The second possibility was too awful to consider and yet she had to try. If Anakin had really done this, there must have been something she didn't know that propelled him to believe Palpatine's lies. She needed him to tell her he had _not_ done this. And if he told her he _had_, -_she shuddered, anything but that_- she would bring him back.

Save him from himself.

They would flee. From Obi-Wan, from Palpatine, from the new Empire.

Anakin was a good man, she knew it, could not let herself believe-

As 3PO prepared all she needed for the journey, she paused, suddenly remembering her meeting with Bail and the other Senators. If she were to flee with Anakin, she would not be able to stand up against Palpatine…

Her mind was made in a split second.

Nothing was more important than Anakin.

Nothing.

She pushed the organization, her thoughts of saving the Republic at the back of her mind and followed 3PO through the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**7. Despair**

**Can be read as a companion piece to 'In endless darkness', a viggie about the same moments from Vader's POV.**

**Thank you everyone for the reviews ! :)  
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_Anakin!_

Pain.

She could see nothing, only felt a hot sensation on her back, her hair, everywhere on her body.

She was burning!

_Anakin!_

A warm, almost hot hand on her shoulder.

Padmé turned her head, fighting the sensation. Too hot. She couldn't breathe…

The feeling of fingers around her throat came back harshly.

She moaned and made a concerted effort to open her eyes. She was no longer on the hot ground of Mustafar, breathing in the heavy air. She was inside her ship. There was a familiar face in front of her.

"Obi-Wan…" she whispered.

He looked exhausted, his clothes dirty, sweat on his brow and his hand burning on her shoulder…

She felt disappointment rise inside her. She had hoped Anakin would be the one she would see… And then she remembered the atrocious pain.

"Is Anakin all right?"

That was all she was able to utter before diving back into darkness. She could still feel the immense pain, choking her, wrapping around her and barely felt Obi-Wan's hand on her skin.

It was all a nightmare. _Please, just a nightmare…_

_Come away with me. Let's leave everything behind while we still can…_

Leave. She wanted to leave, even the crumbling galaxy. Leave with him. In her mind's eye, he accepted her hand, he was Anakin again, he was leading her away from the hot planet…

She opened her eyes again, felt the ship start, knew they were fleeing from the planet.

She reached out in agony, feeling her belly contract violently. She couldn't breathe…

"Anakin…" she moaned.

There was something else, at the edge of her consciousness but she couldn't reach it.

A shadow came over her and she blinked, the tears choking her. Obi-Wan was back at her side.

"Where is Anakin?" she asked hoarsely.

Guilt flooded on Obi-Wan's face. She didn't need to hear his reply. She read the answer in his eyes and it burned more than the hot ground or that horrible sensation on her body.

_Anakin is dead._

This time, when he put her back to sleep, she fell into the void gratefully, wishing she would never wake up.

* * *

Padmé was lying on an operating table, white gown covering her frail body. Brown eyes settled on the ceiling silently, watching the bland colors, hearing the soothing sounds of mechanics beside her.

She felt numb. Detached.

Was it the way it felt to have your heart broken?

Was it the way it felt to have your life crumbling down into nothing?

There was no strength inside of her anymore. She didn't want to fight, to breathe, to live.

There was nothing left.

Padmé breathed slowly, feeling the ache in her chest amplify every time she exhaled. She had opened her eyes here, disappointed to see she was still alive. She had glimpsed Bail standing near Obi-Wan as the droids examined her.

She didn't even know what planet she was on and somehow she didn't care.

All she could see was Anakin's eyes settling on her, furious, yellow covering his irises as he walked towards her.

She had been afraid then. For the first time of her life. Afraid of what he could do to her. She had tried to plead, to explain herself. But there had been the convulsive grip around her throat and she had known no more. She had only been able to croak out his name, staring at him, imploring him with her eyes.

But he was blind.

He wanted to kill her.

She winced, looked away from the harsh light. Beneath the white gown, she could feel the burning print of jappor against her chest.

All she wanted, tried to do, was save him. And he had pushed her away. He hated her now.

Perhaps he could not be saved.

And yet, she knew, deep inside of her, that the man she loved was still there. Buried, shrieking in despair but there.

_I've done it for you. To protect you._

_Padmé… I think I've found a way to save you._

Anakin had done it all for her. He had killed, destroyed himself for her.

She wanted to die.

Something tenuous came to her abruptly. Pain again. Atrocious pain, subdued, but there.

She winced, closed her eyes, felt something familiar.

_So familiar…_

It felt like_ him _somehow.

A hand on her forehead. Her eyes snapped open.

It was only Obi-Wan.

"Hold on, Padmé…" he whispered, caressing her forehead.

His hand burned on her skin. The table burned.

_What-?_

"I can't…" she uttered.

"Padmé, you're going to have twins." Obi-Wan murmured. "They need you."

_Twins?_

She fought the urge to chuckle. Had it not been what Anakin said once, laughing? She had insisted it was a boy, he had said it was a girl.

He had looked at her then, eyes shining with mischief.

_Admit it, I am right. I'm a Jedi. The only way we could be both right is us having twins. Since you only expect one baby, I am right._

Tears fell from her cheeks soundlessly. Numbness seemed to vanish.

Her baby. Their child. _Children_, she corrected herself quietly.

She would hold on for them. Only for them.

Obi-Wan explained how the medical droid would operate her. She felt so weak. The room was spinning around her. She felt sick and strained to hear the droid's instructions.

As they prepared her and Obi-Wan exited the room soundlessly, she winced harder. The pain was amplifying inside of her. Burning came back. She could feel her skin ache at the simplest contact.

She closed her eyes shakily, reaching out towards the familiar feeling. It felt warm and soothing suddenly.

A whisper in her mind.

_Padmé…_

She felt him and tears of relief fell from her cheeks, trickling down her hair. But the more she felt Anakin and his hurt, and his _shame?_, the more the pain became hers. He was suffering so much…

She held on, straining to feel him as much as possible, no matter how it hurt.

_He was alive._

A warm feeling enveloped her completely, intrinsically mixed with pain, bittersweet inside her. All the love inside her poured into their connection and she felt like him for a split second. There was so much hatred, shame, anger and above all, pain.

But there was still love.

It shot through her, relieving, healing.

_Anakin…_

Obi-Wan was back there, she noticed. Suddenly, the droid was hovering between her legs. Pain diffused inside every inch of her body and she didn't know whose it was.

Hers, Anakin's?

It was unbearable. She cried out in agony, feeling the awful feeling reach her whole body.

It was over but there was still this latent ache inside of her.

Suddenly, she saw her son in Obi-Wan's arms and she ignored the pain for a split second before reaching out a weak hand to caress the baby's head.

"Luke."

It had been Anakin's name. The one he had suggested once.

Another baby's cry next to her. She couldn't think, feeling weaker with every passing second. The light hurt her eyes. It hurt. So much. She ached to take her babies in her arms, tried to reach out to the small form in Obi-Wan's arms, couldn't.

She felt so weak.

"It's a girl," she heard through her haze.

"Leia." She said immediately before wincing from the pain.

_Hold on…_

She had to, couldn't leave now… not her children, not Anakin-

But suddenly she could no longer _feel _Anakin. Burning receded as the connection between them was suddenly cut off. There was only cold around her.

The lack of warmth was unbearable now.

In front of her, Luke was squirming in the Jedi's arms. She longed to hold her son close. In the distance, she could hear Leia crying.

But she could no longer feel _him_.

Strength left her, vanished.

"Anakin…" she croaked out.

She felt so weak. She reached out to him meekly in vain.

The lights were blurred around her, the sounds suddenly muted.

"Anakin's not here…" she heard next to her.

She refocused on Obi-Wan's face weakly.

Obi-Wan had to know what _she_ knew. Had to help Anakin… Had to-

"There's good in him…" she whispered, her eyes closing, too heavy to have them open… Luke was there, in her line of vision.

_My poor baby…_

She couldn't hold on. She felt so cold now…

"I know…" she croaked out, the breaths more and more difficult. "I know – there's still-"

It was so hard to breathe.

Her eyelids fell, the last image, Obi-Wan's blue eyes on her, Luke in his arms, small hand so close to her face…

_I'm so sorry…_

She felt her head fall down, her breaths slower.

The last sensation she felt before leaping into the black giant hole was the weight of the jappor snippet against her skin.

_End_


End file.
